Waiting for Ashton

Negative Nessy

I don’t like the person I’m becoming… :( Since working at NNMS, I have become more and more negative.  I feel like I’m ALWAYS complaining about something. Or frowning.  Or have a headache.  Or yelling.  My patience is GONE!  AND I DON’T LIKE IT!  Can I have the old me back?

Over the summer, I lovedddd teaching!  Now it feels like a chore.  We’re constantly ridiculed and beat down at school by the administration.  And because the “leaders” at school won’t hold anyone but the teachers “accountable” for their actions, the students are OUT OF CONTROL!  When I tell you the students run the school…THE STUDENTS DICTATE WHAT GOES ON AT THAT SCHOOL.  I feel like a licensed babysitter because I can guarantee you, not much teaching and learning goes on, much to the detriment of the children. 

We’ve had so many visitors at the school, and they’ve all been appalled by the level of disrespect from the students towards one another, themselves, and the teachers.  Shoot! And visitors!

My days are so unpredictable.  Today, for instance, I had my homeroom class for FOUR PERIODS!  I didn’t even have a planning because we were holding indefinitely.  This isn’t unusual at NNMS… but in the faculty meetings, we’re being chewed out because the students didn’t do well on the 9 weeks exam… ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!  When did we have time to get through all the objectives on the pacing guide when we're STILL holding kids....during the 2nd 9 weeks?

In addition to being negative all the time, I have fallen behind on my work for grad school.  I am at the NNMS ridiculously late most days of the week. And when I come home, I just forget all about MTC and Ole Miss.  I’m usually praying for some mercy and patience for the following day.  Before I know it, it’s 5am the following morning and time to face dreadful front doors on NNMS once again.  This is so out of character for me!!!

(On a positive note...)

Ashley Johnson and Bill Doar have been invaluable throughout these past two months.  In addition, many TFA’ers are constantly encouraging me (via phone, FB, twitter, txt, etc.) to keep my head up and fight the good fight.  Reminding me why I’m in this place and why I’m going through this “storm.”

I know (hope…) things will get better.  In the meantime, I’m sure my text messages will continue to consist of one of the following three messages:

“OMGN!”

“SMH”

“FML”

Come on Ashton…Pop out already.  This isn’t funny anymore…