Wow. One Year Later.

I woke up this morning and realized...EXACTLY one year ago, today, I walked across that stage at Pepperdine University. Wow. I definitely thought my life would look a lottt differently than it does right now.

I've been through sooooo many ups and downs. I've had people enter stage left and leave just as quickly at stage right. Some have entered and definitely worn out their welcomes. Some exited voluntarily...much to my disappointment and amazement. Others I dismissed...but reluctantly brought back in the scene.

Throughout all of this, only ONE thing has remained. God has been with me EVERY step of the way. Blessing me. Consoling me. Comforting me. Man. It's crazy how He loves me better than I love myself. Respects me more than I respect myself. He sees the best in me and truly believes I deserve the absolute best. I tell ya, there is nothing like my Father's love.

In less than 1 month, I will be embarking on a NEW journey/chapter in my life. I will be headed to Oxford, MS to start graduate school. (Wow. I still don't think it has really hit me yet.) I will be working on my Master's in Curriculum and Instruction (Education), while teaching full-time in Greenville, MS (heart of the Delta). My dream to be a math teacher has finally come true. Wow man. It's slowly but surely sinking in.

I am SO THRILLED about this opportunity. God has really, really, really, really, shown favor because LORD knows I didn't (and probably still don't) deserve his amazing grace and mercy. I promise to be a good steward of the gifts and talents of which God has blessed me. From the cake decorating, to State Farm, to the Census, to MTC...God has been blessing me like no other.

I just continue to pray that the Lord is patient with me and doesn't write me off yet. I know there are times I'm blatantly disobedient. And we all know, you "obey"/submit to the ones you truly love. I have been inconsistent in this...and I'm ashamed.

He makes everything perfect in due time. I trust him.


~mCn


Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties.

Happy New Year!!!!

Wow! Here I am. One year later (since starting the blog). I definitely have not been AS consistent as I had originally planned, but I'm making more of an effort to do better this year.

2010 is gonna be a GREAT year for me!! Mark my words! :) I can just feeeeel the blessings and grace Jesus has for me and on my life. I wasn't blogging much after graduation, but just know that I went through it! And though I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm still trying to get back on my feet.

Some of my life-altering expereinces included:
1. A SUPER delayed "graduation"
2. Domestic confrontations
3. Job insecurity
4. Financial instability
5. Sinful desires of "the world"
6. Extreme feelings of hopelessness, self doubt, sadness, and discouragement
7. Weight gain
8. Feelings of loneliness in friendships and relationships
9. Spiritual disconnect
10. Lack of self control ("pulling", goal setting and pursuit, financial, etc.)

My post-grad experience was truly an eye-opening experience. I felt like I went through straight HELL and back. I've never cried and prayed so much in my life! But I know God allowed me this experience for a reason. And because of my experience, I am closer to Him and have a more personal realtionship with him than EVER before! So for that, I am so grateful for the good, bad, and oogly experiences!! I thank God for the special and catalytic people he placed in my life during this period too. Without them, I wouldn't be where I am today.

So cheers to the New Year and cheers to a new and improved me!!

Memphis, Tennessee is NOT for ME!

You guys! I'm in such a somber, pensive mood! Ugh!!! Since I've been back in Memphis (only 1 week) I realize I CAN'T STAY HERE!!! I'm not fit to live in Memphis or with my mother! I have to get away!

I'm going to have to seriously buckle down and GET THE HELL OUTTA MEMPHIS!!! Come back to Cali?? Very likely. I wish I had a partner in crime...but at this point, it looks like I'll be going at this alone. I pray for the energy, strength, and courage to make this move. I know remaining here will drive me uppppp the wall.

Business

I'm sitting in class....bored as hell. I think it's hilarious that I can think of 1,000,001 things to do/work on while in class, but as soon as class is dismissed.....I can't think of anything to do. LOL. I took this "Are you a Bad Student" online quiz the other day, and I scored an F. Needless to say, I'm kinda over school and I am sooooo ready for a break! Maybe I'll get rejuvenated over spring break.



Side note: The guy sitting next to me breath smells like...UGHJDSAIUDSGD. OMGN! I'm about to pass out. :(



I know Maria, my twin from Freshman year, reads my blog so the following message is for her!!

One of my main goals for this semester is to "make it count!!" We keep saying that we're gonna hang out, have dinner, workout, meet, etc. and we haven't! :( We only have 10 weeks left of school, and I can't guarantee when I'll be back to Cali post-grad. IF I come back. I really want us to spend some QT together. I understand that you're married and usually really busy, but make time for your twin! I'll soon be long gone, and I don't want to leave California without us reconnecting...even if it's just ONCE before I leave. I'll stop here and send you the rest in an email...but you get my point. :(



I miss you Maria!!! =( (*tear tear*)

C.R.E.A.M.

Ok.

So, I'm like REALLY anxious right now about my post-grad employment status. I did not get accepted to Teach For America (boo!) and the nation's unemployment is rising daily. Employers are hiring the BEST of the BEST of the BEST (of the BEST). Am I good enough?? If not, can I get "good enough" by graduation???

Right now (like this very second) I am looking for a j-o-b for the remainder of the semester. I would like to have a fancy internship...but they want me to work for free and right now....I can't afford NOT to get paid! My funds are slowing depleting and I NEED CASH! Bills are no fun and I can't wait to shred these damn credit cards.

Prayer will get me through these tough times.

It's Been A Long Time...Shouldn't have left you.

...Without a dope blog to step to--lol

Whew!

It has been over 4 weeks since my last blog!!! Needless to say, SOOOO much has happened. I've been happy, sad, pissed, glad, cried, celebrated, drunk, praised, worshipped, danced, argued, partied, and laughed. Let's start by recapping my Christmas Break..

When I wrote the last entry I was trapped in the 4 pink walls of my bedroom, without wheels--BORED OUT OF MY MIND. (I will admit though...it was nice to have nothing to do for once.) The following day my aunt rented a cute little Chevy Aveo for me!! Yay!!! I hit the ground running...or driving! I visited several loved ones and hung out with long, lost church members and classmates. It was great. I even got a chance to see Mr. Toxic himself... [He was definitely left in 2008.] The car explains why I didn't blog the last 2 weeks of my Winter Vacay.

I returned to my ultra busy life in California on the 3rd of January. Since then I have been RA'ing, planning events for BSA, meeting, meeting, meeting, preparing for Dance In Flight, searching for post-graduation jobs, dealing with BS from guys, enjoying/taking advantage of my last semester in California, and let's not forget being a student!

I live a crazy life y'all!

To make this reader friendly, I will write individual posts for EVERYTHING I have to bring you all up-to-date on!

Happy reading!

mCn

P.S. Don't worry...I won't be leaving you again anytime soon! ;)

Late Night Thoughts...

It's 5:17a, and I'm still awake...

There is soooooo much on my mind! Ahhhh!

1. **Post-Grad Location**- The longer I stay in Memphis, the more I realize this is NOT the place for me. Now don't get me wrong, I love my city and Memphis is a great "hometown," but I definitely can't see myself living here post-grad. At least not immediately. I used to say I was "flexible" and could probably live ANYWHERE. Ok...let's be serious and realistic, I can't. So recently I've been doing my research and I've narrowed it down to 5-7 cities (not in a particular order):

• Charlotte, NC
• Atlanta, GA
• Houston, TX
• Nashville, TN
  
• Dallas, TX
• Minneapolis, MN
• Chicago, IL (least likely)
  

I am seriously considering all of these locations; however, some more than others.

• Charlotte is probably #1 on my list. Close to home, great opportunities for young, black professionals, affordable, not tooooo far from a beach ;), TFA location, and the list goes on...
• Ok, ATL is probably tied with Charlotte! I mean, what's not to love about ATL?!? Morehouse men, great nightlife, great opportunities, TFA location, family there, closer to Memphis than Malibu, did I mention Morehouse men (lol, jkjk).
• Houston is the #1 city in America to get the 'best bang for your buck.' I have "family" there as well. Not to mention my BFF is from "H-Town." =)
• Nashville, Nashville, Nashville...mane. I was STRONGLY considering Nashville until I stopped to think about the REAL reasons why Nashville was #1 on my list. All I have to say is there is DEFINITELY a conflict of interest moving to Nashville... I LOVE that Nashville is only a 2-3 hour drive from Memphis, but...yea...Nashville should probably be removed from my list all together, lol. (Unless TFA places me there......)
  
• Minneapolis is strictly because of Target. :)
• The others are just great cities for young professionals.

2. I had a visitor today. Sometimes I hate seeing him because he makes me feel like crap. I mean, I can't help the way I feel...right?... I love him, but I'm not in love with him. And I KNOW that hurts. It sucks being in love alone... Honestly, I don't know if there will ever be an "us" again... and that's a hard pill for both of us to swallow.

3. My dear mother is getting on my dear NERVES! Ahhh! Shoot me already.


4. I've been debating whether I should make New Year's resolutions or not... Probably not because I usually don't stick to them when I do. :( One thing's for certain, I'm gonna be wayyy more low-key next year than I was this year. I see the benefits of not always being the center of attention. hehe. I'm also gonna take a much needed vacay from the male species (*GaSp*) to let my wound heal and refocus all attention on the One that really matters. With him first, everything else falls into place. :)


Ok. It's 6:09a. I think I need to start counting sheep now.

....zzzz........zzzz........zzzz.....


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